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Santa Rosa Institute Admits Failure

Santa Rosa Institute PR flacks had a real challenge on their hands recently trying to put a positive spin on the Institute's latest disaster. As you probably know, the Institute has been testing a cocktail of altered vampire DNA known as Genuflex on mice in the hopes of discovering the fountain of youth. The latest results are in, and the news is not good. You can read the official Institute press release here.

If you've read the release and are still confused, allow me to interpret. The words "does not meet efficacy objectives" is a rather antiseptic way of saying that mice receiving long-term Genuflex therapy eventually become vampiric. What's happened is that the genes for longevity in vampire DNA appear to contain within them some sort of code that eventually turns the host organism into a vampire.

I wish I could report that these latest results have convinced the Institute to pull the plug on Genuflex research until they gain a better understanding of genetics. Alas, it appears that arrogant Institute leaders will continue to blunder ahead, consequences be damned. Thankfully, no technicians have been bitten by vampiric mice so far.

I will continue to keep you posted on the latest developments.

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