Home | About The FVZA | Dr. Hugo Pecos, Director
Famous Cases | Historical Tales | Vampires | Zombies

Ask Dr. Pecos

Archives Part III

The Order of the Slayer
in battle with vampires
Q: Is there any truth to the vampire "slayer" legend?
Marc W., Kelowna, B.C., Canada

A: The slayer legend, that is, the notion of a "chosen one" endowed with special gifts for killing vampires, has a kernel of truth to it. The origin of the legend rests in the Eleventh Century, at a time when Christians from countries like France and England made pilgrimages to Jerusalem to visit the birthplace of their religion. In the year 1050, Jerusalem was hit by a major vampire outbreak. A papal army managed to drive the vampires into the hills surrounding the city, where the packs found good living preying on pilgrims from Europe. Hundreds, perhaps thousands of pilgrims lost their lives to these opportunistic vampires.

In response, Pope Urban II formed the Order of the Slayer in 1093. The pope asked wealthy lords from Christian nations to assemble armies to march on Jerusalem and slay the marauding vampires. After training, the lords were welcomed into the Order in a solemn religious ceremony. The Order filled its armies with volunteers who were given plots of land in return for their service. The subsequent military campaign, known as the First Vampire Crusade, was a modest success. Each new outbreak in and around Jerusalem prompted another Crusade, and the battle for the Holy City went on for almost 300 years.

Since the art of fighting vampires was often passed on from father to son, there grew a notion of certain people being inherently endowed with vampire-fighting capability. This notion persists in the modern world. The chief flaw with the slayer legend in its modern incarnation is that, when it comes to fighting vampires, training and experience are far more important than any inherent ability one might possess.

Q: How do you kill vampires and zombies?
Pedro, San Diego, California

A: More misinformation surrounds this question than perhaps any other dealing with the undead. While there are a number of ways to kill vampires and zombies, each one carries with it considerable risk and none should be attempted without sufficient training. Here is a partial list of ways to kill vampires and zombies, along with the advantages and disadvantages to each method.

Method Advantages Disadvantages
Rifle/gun (explosive bullets) Can kill from a distance Difficult to target vampires in the dark; unreliable against zombies
Rifle/gun (normal bullets) Can kill from a distance Highly unreliable against vampires; not advisable against zombies
Incineration 100% effective for both zombies and vampires Can take a considerable amount of time for them to die
Decapitation Very effective, although a decapitated zombie head is still capable of biting Unless one is expert with a sword, the vampire/zombie must be captured and restrained first
Drowning Can be quite effective... ...if one happens to be on a large body of water
Crossbow Can kill from a distance Rather useless versus zombies
Knife Cutting a vampire's spinal cord at the neck is quick and decisive Only feasible for a true expert
Explosives A well-placed bomb is 100% effective Dangerous to self
Poison Gas Can kill large packs in one well-timed release Significant potential for collateral damage; only advisable in desperate circumstances

Conclusion: if it's vampires you want to kill, my advice is to study marksmanship, buy a high-powered rifle with explosive bullets and a good night vision scope, and set yourself up in a protected spot with a 360-degree vantage. And keep a flamethrower and a stash of hand grenades around, just in case. For zombies, the best thing to do is get in your car and drive to a place where there are no zombies. If that's not an option, then strap on a flamethrower, surround your property with explosive devices, and wait.

Q: Do vampires and zombies get colds, flu, cancer, and all the other sicknesses and diseases human beings get?
Darren, Wakefield, Massachusetts

A: Unfortunately, vampires are the very model of good health. They have low cholesterol and blood pressure and no heart disease. There has never been a reported case of a vampire having cancer. In fact, vampires who had cancer when they were bitten lose all trace of the disease within a few months after transformation. Very rarely are vampires sick, although the chemical imbalances in their brains could be called a kind of mental illness. As for zombies, colds are the least of their problems. Beset by parasitic organisms, zombies suffer from gangrene, tapeworms and caseation (the degeneration of bodily tissue into a cheese-like substance), among other things.

Q: During a recent visit to a health foods store, I was shocked to discover a skin cream called "Eternal Youth" that claimed to contain some kind of vampire by-product. What is this, and should we be alarmed?
Brenda, Bozeman, Montana

A: Eternal Youth products were developed in 1998 by John Purcell, a Canadian biochemist. Purcell heated vampire blood in order to kill the virus, then separated out and freeze-dried the blood serum. The resultant product, known as Vampure®, has been added to everything from skin cream to dietary supplements. There is absolutely no scientific evidence to support Eternal Youth's claims that its products prolong life and help maintain a youthful appearance. Fortunately, Eternal Life products contain no active virus and are harmless to everything but your pocketbook.

Q: Can vampires survive by drinking the blood of other vampires?
Heather, Wiscasset, Maine

A: In a word, no. While there is anecdotal evidence that drinking the blood of another vampire will temporarily sate a vampire's bloodlust, vampire blood does not supply all of the proteins necessary for their survival. They must drink the blood of humans, or die. Ultimately, it is this simple equation that drives a vampire's powerful survival instinct.

In 1928, the Goessman Institute in Switzerland conducted the most exhaustive study yet of vampires. As part of the study, a total of 20 vampires were restricted to a diet of vampire blood. The vampires became lethargic and disoriented after only three days. Within 10 days, all 20 vampires were dead.

Go to:

Archives Part IV

If you have a question, click on the link below:

Ask Dr. Pecos

© 2001-2014 Dango Productions, Inc.