Famous Cases | Historical Tales | Vampires | Zombies
Base: Sandy Hook, Conn.
Date/Time: June 14, 2005/1033 hours
Incident: It was getting dark. I was out in my backyard practicing my swordsmanship skills with some foam swords I had made. That is when I heard the noise: it was like a cat mewling, yet it was eerily unnatural. I stopped my drills and looked for the source of the noise. I didn't see anything out of the ordinary; just the rich foliage of my backyard. I started to walk to the small pool house that was only twenty feet from my training area.
That was when a shadowed figure fell from out of one of the trees. The thing landed in a crouch with its head lowered so that its long, greasy black hair covered its face. I was frozen in place. It lifted its head and looked right into my eyes and bared its teeth, razor sharp and covered in blood.
I bolted toward the pool house, covering the short distance in a few seconds. I ran in and grabbed the massive hedge clippers that my father had recently purchased (he had been ridiculed for buying such an "inappropriately large" tool). I heard the thing closing in. I turned, bringing the heavy object with me as I spun.
I was met with a reassuring crack. The clipper's blade had collided with the vampire-thing's temple. Its surprise showed on its face as its limp body hit the ground, its blood mixing with the dark earth.
I huffed with the effort and adrenaline rush. Unfortunately for me, two more figures sat crouched only a few feet away. They both had me in their sights and I guessed that they were not too happy about me killing their friend.
One of them leaped at me with its hands thrown up and its mouth opened wide for the killing bite. I was just able to bring up the clippers with the opened blades lined up with the monster's neck. As it landed on me and forced me to the ground, I closed the powerfully sharp blades and decapitated the thing in a spray of crimson fluid.
Before I could get the dead body off of me, the other thing was on me like a rabid dog to a feast.
The vampire and I struggled to get to grips with one another. I cleverly used the body of the second vampire to place space between me and the monster. As the struggle on the ground continued, I reached over and grabbed a large rock. I tried to swing the stone at the head of the thing but it was too quick for me and brushed off the attack like a man would an annoying fly. I used this distraction to get on my feet. As I rose, I threw the rock at the monster's stomach and jumped into the pool house.
Once inside, I grabbed the nearest object, the pool strainer, and ripped off the top of it to expose the sharp end of the metal pole. Seconds later, I ran out of the pool house with my weapon in hand, the vampire clutching his stomach. I charged the wounded creature and impaled him on my weapon.
I couldn't believe it. I had killed not one but THREE vampires. I was about to collapse. I was so tired. I started to walk toward my house.
The next day the police came, and I told them what had happened. They didn't believe that I had encountered bloodsucking vampires. The media on the other hand, did.
Comments from Dr. Pecos: Wait a second. What happened to the bodies of the vampires you killed? Are you saying you killed them and then went to bed? And the closing line of your report suggests that the media covered the story. Was it print, TV, or both? Any links to the story? Also, I can't quite understand how you killed the first one.